It was still weeks before the due date, but I had wanted my doctor to be on the same page as me. I briefly explained my birth plan to her--a plan which in my mind consisted of laboring at home until the contractions became consistently frequent, tossing all the hospital bags into the car in a frantic rush, driving the 3 minutes up the road to the hospital, and courageously managing the remainder of my labor without medications--and I felt confident that things would go as planned. But, the advice my doctor gave me weighed on my mind as I left the office that day.
While I was hoping for a completely natural birth, I definitely didn't throw out my doctor's advice. Over the next few days and weeks, Matthew and I had several discussions where we considered other options, especially if there were complications during labor that would cause me to "give up" my desired birth plan. We talked about the possibility of being induced, or of needing the help of an epidural to manage my pain. And, as much as I didn't want to think about it, we even considered the route of c-section in case one was deemed necessary. But, after all this talk, I remained optimistic that Wesley would come on his own, without the help of medications, allowing me the at-home labor and unmedicated hospital experience I so desired.
I guess that's why what happened in the coming weeks threw me for a loop.
Week 40
On August 12, we went in for my last doctor's appointment before Wesley's due date. I was already 3 cm dilated, so my doctor seemed pretty eager to, as she said, "get this baby delivered!" Matthew and I were still aiming for a natural labor at this point, so we asked if waiting until Monday (the 18th) for induction would be alright. **As a side note, you may remember that I was diagnosed with Gestational Diabetes late in my pregnancy. Although I was a VERY mild case of GD, my doctor still did not want me going a week past my due date. So, she wanted us to have the baby by the 20th. Matthew and I also had a timeline to keep to--we didn't want to share our anniversary (the 20th) with Baby Wesley's birthday. Basically, we realized that by inducing on Monday the 18, we could avoid having him born on the 20th all together AND appease my doctor's request of getting the baby out prior to 41 weeks.** She agreed that we could have the weekend to see if labor would start on its own, and that we would discuss induction on Monday if Wesley hadn't made his debut by then. Matthew and I went home content, expecting that within the week labor would have started all on its own and induction would not be necessary.
August 13 (his due date) came and went, and there weren't any signs of baby Wesley's arrival. That isn't too abnormal, seeing as most first babies come late. I tried going on daily walks, moving as much as I could to induce labor naturally, but baby Wesley was plenty content on staying where he was. So, as the weekend passed, I became overly anxious and upset that there hadn't been any progress.
By Sunday night, Matthew and I realized that Wesley wasn't coming on his own. I cried a lot because I really wanted to go into labor naturally, to have the opportunity to see what my body does on its own without the help of medication. By this point, I realized that my ideal birth plan was slipping away and out of my reach; it was really difficult to let go of something I'd been preparing for for months. All the same, with the help of some prayer, a few good cries, and the support of my wonderful husband, I came to realize that this was not the end of the world; at the end of it all, I would have a baby in my arms and it wouldn't really matter HOW labor had come about--naturally or induced.
August 13 (his due date) came and went, and there weren't any signs of baby Wesley's arrival. That isn't too abnormal, seeing as most first babies come late. I tried going on daily walks, moving as much as I could to induce labor naturally, but baby Wesley was plenty content on staying where he was. So, as the weekend passed, I became overly anxious and upset that there hadn't been any progress.
By Sunday night, Matthew and I realized that Wesley wasn't coming on his own. I cried a lot because I really wanted to go into labor naturally, to have the opportunity to see what my body does on its own without the help of medication. By this point, I realized that my ideal birth plan was slipping away and out of my reach; it was really difficult to let go of something I'd been preparing for for months. All the same, with the help of some prayer, a few good cries, and the support of my wonderful husband, I came to realize that this was not the end of the world; at the end of it all, I would have a baby in my arms and it wouldn't really matter HOW labor had come about--naturally or induced.
Going to the Hospital
On Monday evening, Matthew and I sat down to a nice home cooked meal of spaghetti. It was an interesting feeling knowing that in a few hours we would leave our apartment, pack our things in the car, and check into the hospital for the night. At 7:30 pm, August 18, we locked the door to our apartment and were on our way.
We got admitted to labor and delivery by 8 pm and I put on my spiffy cool robe (that I'd made myself). Then, we had to do a bunch of paperwork and answer about a hundred questions to make sure everything was in order (pregnant ladies who are already in labor when you get to the hospital, my question to you is this: how can you focus on getting through contractions AND answer all those questions at the same time? Props to you!)
Between 9 and 10pm, a few nurses came in to monitor baby and I. One nurse came in and checked my cervix; apparently my OB had exaggerated slightly when she said I was 3 cm last week; the nurse said I was more like a 2 and that I was 65% effaced. She suggested that I get put on Pitocin right away to get contractions started (and when I say 'suggested', I mean that she probably would have defended this suggestion down to her grave; she was SO adamant about Pitocin!). This shocked Matthew and I a bit because we were under the impression that we were going to start Cervidil (a cervix ripening agent) tonight and then get put on Pitocin in the morning. At this point, we were still hopeful that the Cervidil would help induce labor and that I wouldn't need to be put on Pitocin at all. Also, the thought of starting Pitocin so late at night scared me; I was already pretty exhausted from the long day and I was NOT ready to stay up through the night laboring without having gotten at least a few hours of shut eye first. So, we declined the Pitocin and decided to go the Cervidil route first.
By 11:00 at night, I was put on Cervidil. It needed to be in for 12 hours to work its magic, so all we had left to do was wait. Matthew got a full night's "rest" on the fold-out hospital bed while I spent the next 7 hours or so waking up to the beep of the baby monitor, taking bathroom breaks, or just watching the very inconsistent, bell-curve contractions appear on the screen next to my bed (contractions which I could not even feel half the time).
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1 - Calling in to labor and delivery so they would unlock the door.
2 - Me and my baby bump sportin' the cool robe I brought with me.
Notice the swollen ankles and feet, too. :)
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Between 9 and 10pm, a few nurses came in to monitor baby and I. One nurse came in and checked my cervix; apparently my OB had exaggerated slightly when she said I was 3 cm last week; the nurse said I was more like a 2 and that I was 65% effaced. She suggested that I get put on Pitocin right away to get contractions started (and when I say 'suggested', I mean that she probably would have defended this suggestion down to her grave; she was SO adamant about Pitocin!). This shocked Matthew and I a bit because we were under the impression that we were going to start Cervidil (a cervix ripening agent) tonight and then get put on Pitocin in the morning. At this point, we were still hopeful that the Cervidil would help induce labor and that I wouldn't need to be put on Pitocin at all. Also, the thought of starting Pitocin so late at night scared me; I was already pretty exhausted from the long day and I was NOT ready to stay up through the night laboring without having gotten at least a few hours of shut eye first. So, we declined the Pitocin and decided to go the Cervidil route first.
By 11:00 at night, I was put on Cervidil. It needed to be in for 12 hours to work its magic, so all we had left to do was wait. Matthew got a full night's "rest" on the fold-out hospital bed while I spent the next 7 hours or so waking up to the beep of the baby monitor, taking bathroom breaks, or just watching the very inconsistent, bell-curve contractions appear on the screen next to my bed (contractions which I could not even feel half the time).
August 19
11:00 am arrived soon enough. The nurse came and checked my cervix--I had progressed one centimeter, now at a 3, and was now 90% effaced. So, while the Cervidil had not induced labor on its own, at least I had made some progress through the night.By 12:15, an IV had been placed and my Pitocin inserted. They started the Pitocin on a very low dose--only 2 mU per minute--so even when the contractions started coming consistently, I couldn't feel them at all. They looked funny on the monitor, though; what used to look like a smooth bell curve, the contractions now looked like the jagged peaks of the Rocky mountains. So, for the next hour or so, Matthew and I just played card games and talked while the contractions painlessly came and went.
The Pitocin dosage was raised at about 1:30--now to 4 mU per minute--and I could actually feel the contractions when they came. It felt empowering to finally feel contractions and be able to work through them using the techniques I'd learned in birth class. I sat on a birth ball most of the time with Matthew supporting me from behind; he did a fantastic job at helping me breathe through each contraction! We also went on a few walks around the labor and delivery unit, towing my IV bag behind me.
When they upped the dosage to 6 mU per minute, that's when the contractions really began to feel hard. I kept telling myself that good, strong contractions would help Wesley come into the world, so I welcomed the pain that came with each contraction. I felt completely in control; I was able to signal to Matthew that another contraction was starting and then he would coach me through the contraction using visualization techniques, soothing words, and deep cleansing breaths. In all honesty, my favorite part of the entire labor process was this part, when I got to depend entirely on my husband for support. I loved having Matthew there as my coach, speaking through the contractions, reminding me to breathe and relax. Yes! The contractions were hard--they felt like a tightening and lots of pressure--but they were bearable as I breathed through them and listened to my husband's guiding voice. Plus, after every contraction, there were a few minutes of rest; it’s amazing how just a few moments of rest helped invigorate me for the next contraction.
By this point, I had been in active labor for a good couple of hours. It was now about 3 o'clock and I was definitely having to focus my attention entirely on each contraction. Again, they were not unbearable--I was able to manage the pain by simply focusing on my breathing--but the contractions did feel unnaturally strong and sharp, which I assume was an effect of the Pitocin.
At about this time, I had to make my way to the bathroom to relieve myself (I know, tmi) and as I was sitting on the toilet, meanwhile going through 2 or 3 contractions, I started an internal conversation with myself:
- I wanted an unmedicated labor, although now that plan has been totally changed due to induction.
- I’ve prepared myself for managing the pain using breathing techniques (which is working thus far), but I am not sure how much longer I will be in labor and thus, how much longer I will have to manage the pain.
- The contractions will only get harder--more sharp--from here, and it may take up to an hour or so before an anesthesiologist can come to start my epidural. I better request one sooner rather than later…
- I want to be far enough along that the epidural won’t stunt my progress. Ideally, the contractions I’ve been through these past few hours will have at least gotten me to 5 cm; if that’s the case I feel that an epidural would only help--not hinder--in managing my labor pain.
- I think I will ask for an epidural.
All the while, Matthew was sitting right in front of me, holding my hands and talking me through another contraction. In between contractions, I briefly explained my thinking. I told him how the contractions weren’t unbearable at this point, but that I wanted to have my cervix checked for progress, and that I was considering having an epidural; he was completely supportive of my decision.
Together we decided that if I was at least 5 cm dilated, we would go ahead and get the epidural right away. If I wasn’t yet at a 5, we would continue laboring without the epidural, hopefully to help my cervix dilate quicker.
We called the nurse in and asked for a cervix check; she told us not to expect much, since I was still not in that much pain from the contractions. But, when she checked, she was surprised (as were we) to find out that I was already at a “6...no a 7!” When I heard that, I about cried. My initial goal going into labor was to get to a 7 on my own, and I HAD DONE IT!
Within 10 minutes, the anesthesiologist was there and my epidural placed (I didn’t have to wait for him to finish with other patients like I had expected!). He was super funny and peppy, saying things like “In less than ten minutes, your pain will be gone” and “I’m the best there is! I just finished watching a YouTube video on how to place epidurals”. If I weren’t a sarcastic individual, these comments probably would have freaked me out, but instead it just lightened the mood and helped me smile.
With the epidural in place, I looked up at Matthew (who was probably more happy and relieved than I was because his wife was now no longer in any pain) and smiled. I could still feel my toes--in fact I could wiggle them--but I could no longer move my legs very easily. They felt very heavy, like they were made of cement, and it required assistance from the nurse to move positions. My epidural was very light, meaning that I could tell when contractions came, but this time instead of feeling the need to breathe through the contractions, I was simply able to relax; that was a very nice change.
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| Just after getting an epidural |
At 6:00, my doctor came in and checked my cervix. She said I was at a 9 and she went ahead and broke my bag of waters. Great! I was thinking. This baby will be out in a matter of hours.
I was expecting Wesley to come by about 8 or so, which is why the next 5 hours seemed to go so slowly. I’m not exactly sure what happened in those next 5 hours or at what time certain “landmark” events took place. All I know is that between breaking my bag of waters and the pushing stage, I started to feel a lot of pressure in, how can I put this nicely?...my derriere.
Looking back on it, it was probably just a REALLY bad Charly Horse, but it would not go away. Matthew tried to massage it, put counterpressure on it, and even place heating pads on the sore area, but the pressure would not go away. We tried a bunch of different positions, so I spent some time on my left side, then on my right, then on all fours. I was moaning and groaning and I think the nurses thought I was dying from all the sound I was making. In reality, I might have been overreacting just slightly, but the moaning seemed to help distract me from the pain I was feeling.
Somewhere amidst all of that, the nurse checked me again and I was only at an 8! I’m telling you, my doctor must have small fingers because her examinations of my cervix seem to always be more exaggerated than reality. So...I was back to an 8. I think it was like 9 pm by now? Question mark? I really have no idea.
Matthew was the biggest support through all of this. It was really hard to manage the feeling of intense pressure down in my pelvic area. It probably had a lot to do with the fact that Wesley’s head was dropping lower into my cervix, thus causing a lot of pressure in my lower back and buttocks. But, the hardest part was just not knowing when all of this would be over; I didn't know when the pressure would be relieved. I kept moaning through the pain and hoping that my contractions would help open that cervix to a 10!
10! The magic number! It was around 10 pm when the nurse finally checked me again. I had been complaining that I really wanted to push. Matthew kept telling me to “resist the urge” because at that point we thought I was still at an 8 or 9. But when the nurse checked again, her words were like music to my ears: “Go ahead and push whenever you feel like it.” I looked up at Matthew with relief as I said, unbelievingly, “Really?”.
I was so happy. Pushing never felt SO good! The nurse told me to curve my back, bringing my neck to my chest, and then bear down with each contraction and push as if I were going #2. Lovely image, right? At this point, it felt so good to push because I knew the baby had to come out soon, that it was the final stretch.
Minutes into pushing, Matthew was sitting next to me, talking me through and saying how great I was doing. I almost didn’t believe him when he said that I was really close to delivering the baby (apparently, right from the first few pushes, Matthew could see Wesley's head!).
So, the baby would have come out in about 10 minutes...had the doctor been there. I was so eager to push Baby Wesley out, that the nurse had to start telling me NOT to push. Ugh. You just gave me permission to push, and then you tell me to stop? That was even harder to control. Matthew tried to console me and remind me not to push, but my body was still trying to push on its own. I cried a lot at this point because I was having a hard time understanding why I wasn't allowed to push.
It wasn’t until I asked the nurse, “Why can’t I push?” that I started to believe just how close this baby was to being born. She replied “If you push, the baby will come out!”. My doctor was still a few minutes away, so I continued to try and breathe through the contractions rather than push.
FINALLY...my doctor ran through the door (it was probably 10:45 now?) and got settled in to deliver the baby! A few more rounds of good, strong pushes, with my handsome husband as a cheerleader right beside me, and I watched a miracle occur: my Wesley--our Wesley--was pulled into existence. The doctor held him up and surprisingly, my first words were not “There’s my baby” or even “Look what we made!”. Instead, I looked to Matthew, who was standing to my right, and sighed “It’s over” to which he simply smiled. :)
The feelings inside me were of relief. Of happiness. They cleaned Wesley off a bit and placed him on my chest. I stared at him as he stared back. The doctor stitched me up (I tore a bit) and cleaned up the mess that had been made. All the while, I just watched Baby Wesley with gratitude in my heart that all had gone well. Matthew and I admired our son and breathed a sigh of relief that labor was complete.
The Joys of Parenthood
At 10:56 pm on August 19, a 9 lb 6 oz baby named Wesley Hase Young made his entry into the world. Since then, he’s been an absolute joy to our family. I love watching Matthew hold him, play piano for him, read him stories. I love cuddling with him, taking naps on the couch with him on my stomach, and bonding with him via breastfeeding. I love his squishy cheeks, his inquisitive eyes, and his little fingers and toes. I love him.Besides learning to be a mom now, I’ve already learned a lot about myself and about how miraculous a woman’s body is. Looking back on my birth experience, I’m only slightly disappointed that I didn’t get the natural labor that I had planned originally. But, I found something before being induced that I hope will help others as it has helped me; you never know what will happen with the “birth plan” you’ve created and this has helped me to realize that it doesn’t really matter whether things go as planned, as long as you keep the bigger picture in mind:
“A birth plan that takes many different possibilities into account can help you be prepared, and empowered to make decisions consistent with your personal needs and values should any unexpected events occur during delivery. In the end, remember that the most important part of the delivery process is the little person you’re delivering.”
Thanks for reading! Feel free to ask any questions, leave comments, or just enjoy the postpartum pictures below.
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| In his Daddy's arms |
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| Introducing...Wesley Hase Young |
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| Mom, Dad, and Baby are doing great! |
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